Breaking free from a religious community that prays daily for the execution of outsiders leaves lasting wounds. But what happens when that same person harnesses their pain to create spaces where genuine connection can flourish?
John Wilson, co-founder of Onlinevents, opens up about his journey growing up as a Jehovah’s Witness and the profound impact it had on his capacity for relationship. When his training as a therapist created unbearable tension with his religious upbringing, John eventually left the community, resulting in his excommunication and painful estrangement from family members.
With remarkable vulnerability, John reveals how childhood religious trauma manifests in his adult relationships: “The fear of being abandoned is just completely, incredibly huge for me.” Despite facilitating connection professionally, he shares how easily he can “spook” in intimate settings, imagining threats where none exist. His healing journey involves recognizing when a young, terrified part of himself takes over—sometimes as young as three or four years old—and finding ways to soothe that inner child.
The conversation takes a fascinating turn when John connects his personal healing to the creation of Onlinevents. Together with his sister Sandra, he’s built a digital sanctuary where people can experience the very safety he lacked. Their platform considers how “the way we are welcomed into an environment impacts the states that we find each other in,” allowing transformative connection to emerge.
Perhaps most profound is John’s revelation about finding peace with his estrangement: “How I care and love for my parents is not to do with contact. That’s something that lives within me.” By slaying the dragon of institutional control, he discovered that meaningful relationship remains possible even without physical connection.
Join us for this deeply moving exploration of religious trauma, attachment healing, and the creation of sanctuaries—both internal and digital—where we can find our way back to authentic connection. Share your own experiences with religious upbringing or building communities of healing in the comments below.
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Presenter
I have been facilitating in Counselling & Psychotherapy programmes in the UK for more than 10 years.
I am currently the director at Temenos Education and have a private practice where I offer online Psychotherapy and Supervision using video and chat communication platforms along with virtual environments. I am also the co-founder of onlinevents which has grown to be the world’s largest library of online video and audio content with instant certification and a learning log.
I am also a past chair of the Association for Counselling & Therapy Online (ACTO) and have served for 6 years on the board of the World Association for Person Centered & Experiential Psychotherapy & Counselling. My passion to bring online learning into the field of Counselling & Psychotherapy has also led to the development of online experiential learning within the Temenos programme, facilitating the exposure of Temenos students to external tutors who are located in different parts of the world. Along with the inclusion of experiential learning of online Counselling & Psychotherapy for Temenos students so that they qualify with knowledge and practice in online communication and relationship.
Malcolm Stern has worked as a group and individual psychotherapist for more than 30 years. He was a co-founder of Alternatives at St James’s Church in London and runs groups internationally.
He is the author of Falling in Love / Staying in Love (Piatkus 2004) and Slay Your Dragons with Compassion ( Watkins 2020). He co-presented Channel 4’s relationship series, ‘Made for Each Other’ in 2003 and 2004 and sailed on the ‘Rainbow Warrior’ with Greenpeace in the 1980s. The book he is currently writing is an exploration of the shadow and its necessity in our evolutionary development.
Malcolm Stern in conversation with guests overcoming & thriving through adversity.
