Juliet Grayson will deepen the discussion on the topics of
- self differentiation,
- emotional fusion,
- a reflected sense of self,
- self validated intimacy and other validated intimacy
- the tyranny of the lowest common denominator
- steps to come out of emotional fusion and into self-differentiation
Juliet Grayson has been seeing couples for over 25 years. In her opinion the most important relationship skill is self-differentiation. This is the ability to balance the need for individuality with the need for togetherness. How a person manages these two opposing drives will have a huge impact on their relationships.
Self-differentiation is a way of being. It enables people to be fully connected during an emotionally charged problem without controlling the people involved, rushing in to fix it, or emotionally withdrawing. A self-differentiated person can speak their mind, with thoughtful conviction even though others might disapprove. They don’t lose their connection to themselves, even while holding a deep connection to others – even those they love who hold very different opinions.
Where there is a lack of differentiation, one person is dependent upon the other for their emotional balance. This is known as emotional fusion. There is emotional togetherness but it lacks the freedom of individuality. Personal choices are constantly set aside to keep the peace. Undifferentiated people cannot separate their feelings from their thoughts. They get overwhelmed by feelings and unable to think logically.
There are three common patterns of emotional fusion. One will stifle their partner and be controlling, another will be adaptive and need reassurance and validation. The third kind will be skilled at disconnecting and emotionally cutting off.
Lack of self-differentiation not only creates relationship problems, but also generates tremendous inner turmoil. This person may get furious because they feel controlled by someone who wants to them to do something they don’t wish to do, but feels unsafe expressing their feelings openly. They may silence themselves around others and feel inauthentic, unheard, or invisible, with their needs unmet.
Juliet in her couples work focusses on helping each individual to develop the connection to their true selves, to be more authentic at the expense of approval of others, and to stay connected to others even when they disagree with them.
This workshop is designed for therapists AND for members of the general public.
Course Content
Presenter
Juliet Grayson is a psychosexual psychotherapist, coach, teacher, and has worked as a psychotherapist since 1991. She specialises in working with couples and sexual problems, as well as people who are facing a life-limiting diagnosis. As a psychotherapist she is UKCP registered, NLPtCA accredited, COSRT accredited, and PBSP accredited. She has a private practice in South Wales (UK) and on Zoom. Juliet designed and runs (alongside her team) a twelve day programme, in six modules each of two days. This teaches therapists, counsellors, psychologists, coaches, and health professionals how to work with couples and relationship issues. This course is approved by COSRT for CPD.
They also run courses for therapists on Creative Writing in the Therapeutic Encounter, Storytelling for Healing and Change, Anger Rage and Relationship, Working With Shame, Polyamory Polygamy and Arranged Marraiges, Therapeutic Work with Men, Boys, & Teens.
Juliet herself runs Deep Dive Therapuetic Workshops using Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy. John Wilson said about these ” I would personally highly recommend this experience, I have been on 3 residentials now and found them all deeply helpful!” John Wilson Trainer, Psychotherapist & co-founder of Onlinevents.
