135
9
Helping Rose to Set Boundaries with
Some of Her Siblings and to Deal with
Hurt Feelings
Date: 21/12/21
Time: 45 minutes 54 secs
Windy: So, what Christmas-related issue would you like to
discuss with me today, Rose?
Rose: Well, so, when I signed up, it was talking about my...
long-term... process of healing with my dysfunctional
family of origin, and the reason why Christmas is so
significant is, in a nutshell, I grew up in an abusive
family. My parents divorced when I was two, and I was
born in London but I moved up to Liverpool. Both of
my parents remarried very quickly. My mum was
already having an affair, so she moved to be with that
person, which has kind of been a long-term pattern with
her. So, she’s had multiple partners. I used to go and
stay with my dad in London, in the house that we lived
in that he bought with my mum, and he was wealthy,
had a very powerful position in a big company. He very
quickly remarried and adopted – the person he married
already had a child, my brother James. So, he was
adopted at the age of six and then they had two more
children – my sister, Susan, and my sister, Roz, and then
I have a bigger sister, Christine, as well. So, there’s five
of us altogether.
Windy: And, so, is Christine from your parents?
136 Single-Session Therapy in Action
Rose: Yeah, so she’s my only sister that has the same mother
and father. And then Susan and Roz have the same dad,
and then my brother, James, was adopted by my dad.
So, we grew up with really extreme violence and
emotional abuse... [pause]. So, the impact that that had
on me, which I didn’t really fully understand, I’d say,
until the last 10 years of my life, was, I just really was
very lost, was very angry, left school with no
qualifications. When I was in Liverpool, my mother was
very neglectful. I perceive her to be a narcissist, so
everything about mum’s world was all about mum and
she didn’t even provide basic needs for us. So, I lived a
lot in other people’s houses with other people’s
families, left school with no qualifications. By the age
of 24, I had two children, but I’d had three pregnancies
by then. I was just with one partner that I’d been with
from the age of 16. He was physically violent.
Windy: Towards you?
Rose: Towards me, yeah. And, so, once the children came, I
could remember the violence that I’d lived with my dad
and the emotional abuse, but then there were other
things that didn’t make sense to me that I couldn’t
remember, but I didn’t have any healthy boundaries
relationally. So, there was a lot of harm that I was
experiencing as a young woman. I ended that
relationship with my children’s dad because I didn’t
want them to grow up with what I’d grown up with. But
then I was a lone parent at the age of 25.
And Christmas 1997 ... everyone was congregating
at my dad’s house. So, that was always the hub, but
there was always an ambivalence from me, particularly
once I became a parent; I started to realise how bad my
childhood had been and started to really question things,
and was feeling increasingly suicidal as well, and
started my own personal therapy in 1995. So, I was the
person that was becoming more vocal about the
Rose: Yeah, so she’s my only sister that has the same mother
and father. And then Susan and Roz have the same dad,
and then my brother, James, was adopted by my dad.
So, we grew up with really extreme violence and
emotional abuse... [pause]. So, the impact that that had
on me, which I didn’t really fully understand, I’d say,
until the last 10 years of my life, was, I just really was
very lost, was very angry, left school with no
qualifications. When I was in Liverpool, my mother was
very neglectful. I perceive her to be a narcissist, so
everything about mum’s world was all about mum and
she didn’t even provide basic needs for us. So, I lived a
lot in other people’s houses with other people’s
families, left school with no qualifications. By the age
of 24, I had two children, but I’d had three pregnancies
by then. I was just with one partner that I’d been with
from the age of 16. He was physically violent.
Windy: Towards you?
Rose: Towards me, yeah. And, so, once the children came, I
could remember the violence that I’d lived with my dad
and the emotional abuse, but then there were other
things that didn’t make sense to me that I couldn’t
remember, but I didn’t have any healthy boundaries
relationally. So, there was a lot of harm that I was
experiencing as a young woman. I ended that
relationship with my children’s dad because I didn’t
want them to grow up with what I’d grown up with. But
then I was a lone parent at the age of 25.
And Christmas 1997 ... everyone was congregating
at my dad’s house. So, that was always the hub, but
there was always an ambivalence from me, particularly
once I became a parent; I started to realise how bad my
childhood had been and started to really question things,
and was feeling increasingly suicidal as well, and
started my own personal therapy in 1995. So, I was the
person that was becoming more vocal about the