86
6
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible
Mindset towards Christmas
Date: 20/12/21
Time: 24 minutes 44 secs
Windy: And begin by asking you what Christmas-related issue
would you like to discuss with me?
Joy: Well, obviously, Christmas is quite close, and I think I
have the same thing probably each year. I’ve got two
children and I’m married with my partner. So, every
year obviously I do my best to make it super special,
since they were babies up to now when they’re now 17
and 15. And I have the same theme of it’s never good
enough.
Windy: Same theme in what sense?
Joy: Almost every single year I feel like every year I work
my hardest to make it super special, whether it’s
wearing Christmas jumpers to decorating the tree to
providing everything, and I feel like the whole time I
hold my breath. And it’s only after Christmas do I go,
‘Right, now I can breathe, almost relax,’ but then I’ve
missed all the fun part.
Windy: Right. So, you don’t even enjoy it for yourself?
Joy: No, I don’t enjoy it, whether it’s opening the gifts, like,
‘Are they going to like them?’ to, ‘Is the food going to
be good enough?’ I know actually they probably don’t
really care about the food, the decorations or anything.
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible Mindset 87
I think they care about the presents. But I always have
that sense of, so then everything passes and then I get to
the stage of, ‘Right, now I can relax,’ and then I don’t
enjoy it and then I’m back to square one, ‘Right, maybe
next year will be something different.’ And I think I’ve
had this same thing, although I’ve enjoyed it in a way, I
don’t enjoy it in that moment.
Windy: OK. So, what would you like to walk away with at the
end of this particular conversation?
[Note that I am asking for Joy’s goal for the session.]
Joy: ... To remove the fear that... I don’t even want to say I
want to do enough, because in the last six months I’ve
moved countries, in the last week I’ve just moved things
from the UK over to Switzerland, out of an apartment
into a house, still unpacking, so that’s obviously put the
pressure on of obviously getting everything that I would
want to have done out the window. And I think I’d like
to achieve where I can just sit down and enjoy
Christmas without having to worry... about anything.
Obviously, we’ve got the other impression that, as
we’re not going back to the UK for Christmas due to all
the Covid things, I think that’s taken one pressure away
from me, but I think it’s still left me with the more
important ones of, ‘Are we actually all going to enjoy
it?’
Windy: Right. So, at the moment you’re worried about that, and
you don’t want to worry. Is that right?
Joy: Yes, or I want to feel I’m enough.
Windy: You’re enough?
Joy: Hmm-mmm [yes].
Windy: ‘I’m enough,’ in what sense?
I think they care about the presents. But I always have
that sense of, so then everything passes and then I get to
the stage of, ‘Right, now I can relax,’ and then I don’t
enjoy it and then I’m back to square one, ‘Right, maybe
next year will be something different.’ And I think I’ve
had this same thing, although I’ve enjoyed it in a way, I
don’t enjoy it in that moment.
Windy: OK. So, what would you like to walk away with at the
end of this particular conversation?
[Note that I am asking for Joy’s goal for the session.]
Joy: ... To remove the fear that... I don’t even want to say I
want to do enough, because in the last six months I’ve
moved countries, in the last week I’ve just moved things
from the UK over to Switzerland, out of an apartment
into a house, still unpacking, so that’s obviously put the
pressure on of obviously getting everything that I would
want to have done out the window. And I think I’d like
to achieve where I can just sit down and enjoy
Christmas without having to worry... about anything.
Obviously, we’ve got the other impression that, as
we’re not going back to the UK for Christmas due to all
the Covid things, I think that’s taken one pressure away
from me, but I think it’s still left me with the more
important ones of, ‘Are we actually all going to enjoy
it?’
Windy: Right. So, at the moment you’re worried about that, and
you don’t want to worry. Is that right?
Joy: Yes, or I want to feel I’m enough.
Windy: You’re enough?
Joy: Hmm-mmm [yes].
Windy: ‘I’m enough,’ in what sense?
88 Single-Session Therapy in Action
Joy: That... they’re not going to turn round and go, ‘We
didn’t have this. We didn’t have this.’ It’s not
necessarily the financial gift-giving. It’s the... [pause]
you have this magical picture of, ‘Let’s play a board
game,’ but actually no one wants to play board games
apart from me. So, we don’t play a board game and I’m
like, ‘Oh, well, I’m not happy.’ So, I feel like I want to
come away just being able to be content.
Windy: OK. So, do you have an image in your mind about what
would happen for you to come away and for you to be
content?
[My intervention here is to encourage Joy to be more
concrete about her goal.]
Joy: ... [Long pause] I think, at the end of the day,
everyone’s gone, ‘Yep, I’ve had a lovely day. It’s been
great.’
Windy: So, your contentment is in the hands of others?
[Here, I am questioning the healthiness of Joy’s goal.]
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Are you happy with that?
Joy: No, because I know they can’t provide that.
Windy: Exactly.
Joy: Yeah, they can’t provide that.
Windy: So, who can provide that?
Joy: Only me.
Joy: That... they’re not going to turn round and go, ‘We
didn’t have this. We didn’t have this.’ It’s not
necessarily the financial gift-giving. It’s the... [pause]
you have this magical picture of, ‘Let’s play a board
game,’ but actually no one wants to play board games
apart from me. So, we don’t play a board game and I’m
like, ‘Oh, well, I’m not happy.’ So, I feel like I want to
come away just being able to be content.
Windy: OK. So, do you have an image in your mind about what
would happen for you to come away and for you to be
content?
[My intervention here is to encourage Joy to be more
concrete about her goal.]
Joy: ... [Long pause] I think, at the end of the day,
everyone’s gone, ‘Yep, I’ve had a lovely day. It’s been
great.’
Windy: So, your contentment is in the hands of others?
[Here, I am questioning the healthiness of Joy’s goal.]
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Are you happy with that?
Joy: No, because I know they can’t provide that.
Windy: Exactly.
Joy: Yeah, they can’t provide that.
Windy: So, who can provide that?
Joy: Only me.
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible Mindset 89
Windy: If you provided that, at the end of the day you were
content, what would it sound like?
Joy: ... [Long pause] I think... what would it sound like? ...
I’m thinking I’m looking at being able to say, at the end
of the day, ‘I’ve had a great day.’ ... No, ‘I’ve had a
lovely day.’ It doesn’t have to be super great.
Windy: So, what would have to happen this Christmas for you
to come away and say, ‘I’ve had a lovely day’?
[I am being persistent in encouraging Joy to be clear
about a workable, healthy goal.]
Joy: For me to relax. Me to enjoy the cooking aspect, the
sharing of the times when the few presents get opened.
Yes, it will look like me being relaxed and not going,
‘Right, what do I have to do now?’
Windy: So, you’d be letting go of something, wouldn’t you, if
you were relaxed?
Joy: Yes.
Windy: What would you be letting go of?
Joy: ... Pressure. Is it pressure? ... What would I be letting?
I’d be letting... [long pause] my expectations. I’d be
letting go of my expectations. ... Is it expectations?
Windy: OK. What expectations would you be letting go of?
Joy: Making it perfect, and I know I’m the least perfect
person around, but sometimes certain things during the
day I feel like have to be perfect, and that’s almost like
birthdays, Halloween and Christmas and holidays have
to be perfect.
Windy: And perfect is what?
Windy: If you provided that, at the end of the day you were
content, what would it sound like?
Joy: ... [Long pause] I think... what would it sound like? ...
I’m thinking I’m looking at being able to say, at the end
of the day, ‘I’ve had a great day.’ ... No, ‘I’ve had a
lovely day.’ It doesn’t have to be super great.
Windy: So, what would have to happen this Christmas for you
to come away and say, ‘I’ve had a lovely day’?
[I am being persistent in encouraging Joy to be clear
about a workable, healthy goal.]
Joy: For me to relax. Me to enjoy the cooking aspect, the
sharing of the times when the few presents get opened.
Yes, it will look like me being relaxed and not going,
‘Right, what do I have to do now?’
Windy: So, you’d be letting go of something, wouldn’t you, if
you were relaxed?
Joy: Yes.
Windy: What would you be letting go of?
Joy: ... Pressure. Is it pressure? ... What would I be letting?
I’d be letting... [long pause] my expectations. I’d be
letting go of my expectations. ... Is it expectations?
Windy: OK. What expectations would you be letting go of?
Joy: Making it perfect, and I know I’m the least perfect
person around, but sometimes certain things during the
day I feel like have to be perfect, and that’s almost like
birthdays, Halloween and Christmas and holidays have
to be perfect.
Windy: And perfect is what?
90 Single-Session Therapy in Action
Joy: ... Everyone is happy. There’s no arguments.
Windy: Right. Actually, I do have something for you. We can
forget about all this psychology nonsense. We just have
to get the genie. We look at the genie and say, ‘OK,
what do you want?’ ‘It’s not much to ask. A perfect
Christmas for Joy.’ ‘What is that?’ ‘Where everybody’s
happy, nobody’s arguing.’ ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s
taken care of.’ OK, that’s it. End of. But back to the real
world. Look, would you like my take on this so far?
[Here I am showing Joy a toy Aladdin’s lamp which I
am rubbing.]
Joy: Yes.
Windy: OK. So, I’m going to bring in a framework which may
or may not be helpful to you. We’ll see. So, you have
this idea in your mind of what a perfect Christmas
would be: where everybody enjoys themselves and
nobody has arguments. And that’s a nice wish, a kind of
a wish that, if I did rub my lamp, we could give you. So,
that’s a nice wish. Now, the question is, actually I’m not
suggesting that you give that wish up, because you
never know, one year it might happen, but the question
is what you do with the wish. Now, I think there are two
ways of dealing with a wish like that. One way is to
make it rigid and to say, ‘This is what I wish for and
therefore this has to happen.’ Or you keep it flexible and
say, ‘Well, this is what I wish for. It doesn’t have to
happen, but let’s see how close we can get. It doesn’t
have to be the way I ideally want it to be.’ Now, which
attitude do you think you hold: the rigid one at the
moment when you’re anxious and worried and tense or
the flexible one?
Joy: ... Everyone is happy. There’s no arguments.
Windy: Right. Actually, I do have something for you. We can
forget about all this psychology nonsense. We just have
to get the genie. We look at the genie and say, ‘OK,
what do you want?’ ‘It’s not much to ask. A perfect
Christmas for Joy.’ ‘What is that?’ ‘Where everybody’s
happy, nobody’s arguing.’ ‘Don’t worry about it. It’s
taken care of.’ OK, that’s it. End of. But back to the real
world. Look, would you like my take on this so far?
[Here I am showing Joy a toy Aladdin’s lamp which I
am rubbing.]
Joy: Yes.
Windy: OK. So, I’m going to bring in a framework which may
or may not be helpful to you. We’ll see. So, you have
this idea in your mind of what a perfect Christmas
would be: where everybody enjoys themselves and
nobody has arguments. And that’s a nice wish, a kind of
a wish that, if I did rub my lamp, we could give you. So,
that’s a nice wish. Now, the question is, actually I’m not
suggesting that you give that wish up, because you
never know, one year it might happen, but the question
is what you do with the wish. Now, I think there are two
ways of dealing with a wish like that. One way is to
make it rigid and to say, ‘This is what I wish for and
therefore this has to happen.’ Or you keep it flexible and
say, ‘Well, this is what I wish for. It doesn’t have to
happen, but let’s see how close we can get. It doesn’t
have to be the way I ideally want it to be.’ Now, which
attitude do you think you hold: the rigid one at the
moment when you’re anxious and worried and tense or
the flexible one?
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible Mindset 91
[Here I am drawing on the theory of my preferred
approach to therapy – Rational Emotive Behaviour
Therapy (REBT) to bring clarity to Joy’s issue.]
Joy: I think it’s probably more the rigid one.
Windy: What would happen if you held the flexible one?
Joy: ... [Pause] I feel, when I’m more flexible in whatever
situation, yes, when it’s out of my saying yes because...
[pause] I feel like, as soon as I go, ‘It’s become more
fluid,’ I realise I’m not stressed, I’m breathing and I’m
just going from one thing to another, and everything just
works out in the end.
Windy: And that you can enjoy it.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Because, at the moment, the only way that you can
enjoy it is at the end when everything is perfect.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: You can’t enjoy it while it’s going on because you’re
still saying, ‘Oh my God, it’s got to be perfect, it’s got
to be perfect, it’s got to be perfect,’ so you’re not
enjoying it. But you want to enjoy it, and the only way
you can enjoy it is, as I say, to strive towards doing your
bit to make it as close to this perfection while
recognising that other people’s minds, where they do
their thinking, is out of your control.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Mind you, I do have something which will control their
minds for you. Do you want this?
Joy: Yes, I do.
[Here I am drawing on the theory of my preferred
approach to therapy – Rational Emotive Behaviour
Therapy (REBT) to bring clarity to Joy’s issue.]
Joy: I think it’s probably more the rigid one.
Windy: What would happen if you held the flexible one?
Joy: ... [Pause] I feel, when I’m more flexible in whatever
situation, yes, when it’s out of my saying yes because...
[pause] I feel like, as soon as I go, ‘It’s become more
fluid,’ I realise I’m not stressed, I’m breathing and I’m
just going from one thing to another, and everything just
works out in the end.
Windy: And that you can enjoy it.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Because, at the moment, the only way that you can
enjoy it is at the end when everything is perfect.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: You can’t enjoy it while it’s going on because you’re
still saying, ‘Oh my God, it’s got to be perfect, it’s got
to be perfect, it’s got to be perfect,’ so you’re not
enjoying it. But you want to enjoy it, and the only way
you can enjoy it is, as I say, to strive towards doing your
bit to make it as close to this perfection while
recognising that other people’s minds, where they do
their thinking, is out of your control.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Mind you, I do have something which will control their
minds for you. Do you want this?
Joy: Yes, I do.
92 Single-Session Therapy in Action
Windy: It’s a mind control. You press this one and they think,
‘Oh my God, something’s taken over my brain.’
[Here I am showing Joy a TV remote control.]
Joy: It is. Yes, you want that magic potion to... make
everything happy. But I feel like then I’m slightly torn.
I feel like then my selfishness – no, not my selfishness
– yes, me being selfish by doing, if I want my perfect
Christmas, I want to do my thing that I want to do, but
no one else wants to do that. So, if I make them do it,
then they become... unhappy.
Windy: So, what’s the selfish bit? To have your own desires or
making them do it?
Joy: Making them do it, saying, ‘OK, let’s go and play a
board game,’ because I like board games, and I realise
they don’t like playing board games. So, I know there’s
that compromise there. But, if me and my partner force
them, you can see then they look miserable, and then
it’s like, ‘Well, actually, there’s no point.’
Windy: Right. Again, but if you offer them the opportunity to
play a board game and then they say no, at least you’ve
had an opportunity to get what you want and they have
an opportunity to say yes or no, because, if you make
them have a board game, first of all they’re not going to
be happy and you’re not going to be happy because you
forced them to do something that they’re not happy
about.
Joy: Yes. I do have to just accept that part.
Windy: Right. But you never know. One year they might say,
‘Yeah, why not, mum. Let’s give it a go.’ Actually,
probably the older they get, maybe the more likelihood
Windy: It’s a mind control. You press this one and they think,
‘Oh my God, something’s taken over my brain.’
[Here I am showing Joy a TV remote control.]
Joy: It is. Yes, you want that magic potion to... make
everything happy. But I feel like then I’m slightly torn.
I feel like then my selfishness – no, not my selfishness
– yes, me being selfish by doing, if I want my perfect
Christmas, I want to do my thing that I want to do, but
no one else wants to do that. So, if I make them do it,
then they become... unhappy.
Windy: So, what’s the selfish bit? To have your own desires or
making them do it?
Joy: Making them do it, saying, ‘OK, let’s go and play a
board game,’ because I like board games, and I realise
they don’t like playing board games. So, I know there’s
that compromise there. But, if me and my partner force
them, you can see then they look miserable, and then
it’s like, ‘Well, actually, there’s no point.’
Windy: Right. Again, but if you offer them the opportunity to
play a board game and then they say no, at least you’ve
had an opportunity to get what you want and they have
an opportunity to say yes or no, because, if you make
them have a board game, first of all they’re not going to
be happy and you’re not going to be happy because you
forced them to do something that they’re not happy
about.
Joy: Yes. I do have to just accept that part.
Windy: Right. But you never know. One year they might say,
‘Yeah, why not, mum. Let’s give it a go.’ Actually,
probably the older they get, maybe the more likelihood
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible Mindset 93
they’re going to do that. I don’t know. It’s still
worthwhile giving them the option.
So, here’s the scenario, then, Joy. You take to this
Christmas a different attitude. You still keep the idea of
what a perfect Christmas would look like, but you
recognise, ‘Look, I’m going to do my bit to bring that
about, but I don’t have to be successful, but I can keep
trying. I can give people choices, and go along with
their choices, and therefore giving up the idea of how it
must be allows me to concentrate on enjoying things
like the cooking and other things.’ How does that seem?
Joy: Yeah. ... It does actually feel quite... relaxing, because
I think I take that attitude most throughout the year, in
most parts of my world, apart from key holidays, and
then it goes to pot.
Windy: Well, it doesn’t go to pot. You see, the reason you’re
doing that is this: because it’s so important for you that
on these key holidays people enjoy themselves, then
you take your flexible ideas and you make them rigid.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Do you know the story of the guy who had a hotel
between two Greek cities? It was very important for him
for his guests to have a good night’s sleep. A good
night’s sleep for him meant that people fitted exactly
into their bed, but, unfortunately, he only had a one-
sized bed. His name was Procrustes. Procrustes had a
good heart: he wanted people to have a great night’s
sleep, but he had a rigid head. He said, ‘Because it’s so
important to me for them to have a good night’s sleep,
that’s the way it has to be.’ So, he cut off the legs of the
people who were too tall and stretched the legs of those
who were too short. That’s we talk of putting things into
a Procrustean bed. So, because it was so important to
him, he turned a good idea into a rigid idea. And,
because it’s so important to you that people have a great
they’re going to do that. I don’t know. It’s still
worthwhile giving them the option.
So, here’s the scenario, then, Joy. You take to this
Christmas a different attitude. You still keep the idea of
what a perfect Christmas would look like, but you
recognise, ‘Look, I’m going to do my bit to bring that
about, but I don’t have to be successful, but I can keep
trying. I can give people choices, and go along with
their choices, and therefore giving up the idea of how it
must be allows me to concentrate on enjoying things
like the cooking and other things.’ How does that seem?
Joy: Yeah. ... It does actually feel quite... relaxing, because
I think I take that attitude most throughout the year, in
most parts of my world, apart from key holidays, and
then it goes to pot.
Windy: Well, it doesn’t go to pot. You see, the reason you’re
doing that is this: because it’s so important for you that
on these key holidays people enjoy themselves, then
you take your flexible ideas and you make them rigid.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: Do you know the story of the guy who had a hotel
between two Greek cities? It was very important for him
for his guests to have a good night’s sleep. A good
night’s sleep for him meant that people fitted exactly
into their bed, but, unfortunately, he only had a one-
sized bed. His name was Procrustes. Procrustes had a
good heart: he wanted people to have a great night’s
sleep, but he had a rigid head. He said, ‘Because it’s so
important to me for them to have a good night’s sleep,
that’s the way it has to be.’ So, he cut off the legs of the
people who were too tall and stretched the legs of those
who were too short. That’s we talk of putting things into
a Procrustean bed. So, because it was so important to
him, he turned a good idea into a rigid idea. And,
because it’s so important to you that people have a great
94 Single-Session Therapy in Action
time, you’re turning it into a rigid idea. You’re not
enjoying it, they’re not enjoying it, but, if you let go of
the rigidity, you’ll enjoy it more, be more relaxed, and
who knows what’s going to happen? We’ll see.
[I find it useful to reinforce my point about the
difference between a rigid and a flexible idea by telling
the story about Procrustes.]
Joy: Yes. No, I’ve never heard that story, but I quite like that
story.
Windy: So, you could stop putting your kids into the rigid
Rudolf bed.
Joy: Yes. It’s got to be. And, as I’ve always done that, ever
since they were little, to make it super special or special,
yes, it’s become rigid.
Windy: Yeah. What do they say? OK, we know that you’ve
been tense. What do they tend to say at the end of it,
about the Christmas that they had? What do they tend to
say?
Joy: I don’t think they say anything. They just go, ‘Yep,
great.’ From what I see, they’ve always had a great time.
So, it’s just from my perspective.
Windy: Let’s do an experiment. You put that attitude into
practice and then see if they say anything different at the
end of it.
Joy: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I’m agreeing. How many times do
I say yes?
Windy: Let’s see if they notice any changes in you. If you’re
tense, do people pick that up, do you think, or are you
good at hiding it?
time, you’re turning it into a rigid idea. You’re not
enjoying it, they’re not enjoying it, but, if you let go of
the rigidity, you’ll enjoy it more, be more relaxed, and
who knows what’s going to happen? We’ll see.
[I find it useful to reinforce my point about the
difference between a rigid and a flexible idea by telling
the story about Procrustes.]
Joy: Yes. No, I’ve never heard that story, but I quite like that
story.
Windy: So, you could stop putting your kids into the rigid
Rudolf bed.
Joy: Yes. It’s got to be. And, as I’ve always done that, ever
since they were little, to make it super special or special,
yes, it’s become rigid.
Windy: Yeah. What do they say? OK, we know that you’ve
been tense. What do they tend to say at the end of it,
about the Christmas that they had? What do they tend to
say?
Joy: I don’t think they say anything. They just go, ‘Yep,
great.’ From what I see, they’ve always had a great time.
So, it’s just from my perspective.
Windy: Let’s do an experiment. You put that attitude into
practice and then see if they say anything different at the
end of it.
Joy: Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I’m agreeing. How many times do
I say yes?
Windy: Let’s see if they notice any changes in you. If you’re
tense, do people pick that up, do you think, or are you
good at hiding it?
Helping Joy to Develop a Flexible Mindset 95
Joy: I think I have been good at hiding it apart from the last
month, only because I’ve had about three house moves
and moving countries, and I’ve almost had to be
constantly holding my breath. Then I realised, ‘No, I’ve
got to let that go,’ and I’ve become more fluid because
everything’s been out of my control. But sometimes I
ramble. I’ll talk and talk and talk, and I’ll be almost
listing out all my things I’ve got to do. So, I think they’ll
notice that aspect.
Windy: Yeah. And, once you’re doing that, you can ask
yourself, ‘Now, what’s my rigid idea that I’ve just got
in my mind? What am I demanding has to be?’ And then
you could say, ‘No actually it doesn’t have to be like
that. I want it to be like that. I’m going to strive for it to
be like that. I can only do my bit, they have to do their
bit. But, if I give them choices, then they’re more likely
to say yes. And, if they say no, well, so be it. At least I
gave them a choice.’
Joy: ... Yes.
Windy: What board games do you like playing, Joy?
Joy: ... [Pause] I love playing Risk, which is so advanced
for them that they won’t enjoy it, or any detective. I
would like an Escape Room, like those virtual Escape
Room boards, but they’re not interested in playing with
them. I like playing their games too, but they’re the
games I particularly like.
Windy: And does your partner like enjoying those games?
Joy: ... I would say no.
Windy: Do you know anybody who likes playing those games?
Joy: No.
Joy: I think I have been good at hiding it apart from the last
month, only because I’ve had about three house moves
and moving countries, and I’ve almost had to be
constantly holding my breath. Then I realised, ‘No, I’ve
got to let that go,’ and I’ve become more fluid because
everything’s been out of my control. But sometimes I
ramble. I’ll talk and talk and talk, and I’ll be almost
listing out all my things I’ve got to do. So, I think they’ll
notice that aspect.
Windy: Yeah. And, once you’re doing that, you can ask
yourself, ‘Now, what’s my rigid idea that I’ve just got
in my mind? What am I demanding has to be?’ And then
you could say, ‘No actually it doesn’t have to be like
that. I want it to be like that. I’m going to strive for it to
be like that. I can only do my bit, they have to do their
bit. But, if I give them choices, then they’re more likely
to say yes. And, if they say no, well, so be it. At least I
gave them a choice.’
Joy: ... Yes.
Windy: What board games do you like playing, Joy?
Joy: ... [Pause] I love playing Risk, which is so advanced
for them that they won’t enjoy it, or any detective. I
would like an Escape Room, like those virtual Escape
Room boards, but they’re not interested in playing with
them. I like playing their games too, but they’re the
games I particularly like.
Windy: And does your partner like enjoying those games?
Joy: ... I would say no.
Windy: Do you know anybody who likes playing those games?
Joy: No.
96 Single-Session Therapy in Action
Windy: Are there websites of people who like playing those
games?
Joy: Yeah, I think my husband’s starting to learn to like to
play them or he wants to play them. I think they don’t
like it if the instructions take too long to understand, and
I understand that. By the time you’ve read through
them, then they’ve gone out the window. ... When my
son was younger, we used to love playing Lego, but
now I’ve taken that more on as a hobby. So, he doesn’t
want to do that, so I’ve allowed myself to stop that, or
for me getting worried that he doesn’t want to do
something with me. But, yes, I understand the board
games probably I do like, that I would think as quite fun,
the strategic game ones, they’re probably not into.
Windy: No, but I would say that your task is to try to find a
community that you can join that enjoys that.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: You could extend your range of people. But it does
sound like it is important to you that you can play with
your children, and that’s fine.
Joy: It is, but I suppose I also understand there’s that
compromise, because they are getting that bit older, that
those things will be reduced, stopping, and I have to find
more things that they like to do, which I understand.
Windy: Yeah, and that is something of a loss for you as well,
and you seem to feel sad about that, but, as I say, there
are other presumably online communities that you can
join and play that, which might be a good Christmas
present for yourself.
Joy: And, to be honest, I’ve never thought of that.
Windy: Are there websites of people who like playing those
games?
Joy: Yeah, I think my husband’s starting to learn to like to
play them or he wants to play them. I think they don’t
like it if the instructions take too long to understand, and
I understand that. By the time you’ve read through
them, then they’ve gone out the window. ... When my
son was younger, we used to love playing Lego, but
now I’ve taken that more on as a hobby. So, he doesn’t
want to do that, so I’ve allowed myself to stop that, or
for me getting worried that he doesn’t want to do
something with me. But, yes, I understand the board
games probably I do like, that I would think as quite fun,
the strategic game ones, they’re probably not into.
Windy: No, but I would say that your task is to try to find a
community that you can join that enjoys that.
Joy: Yes.
Windy: You could extend your range of people. But it does
sound like it is important to you that you can play with
your children, and that’s fine.
Joy: It is, but I suppose I also understand there’s that
compromise, because they are getting that bit older, that
those things will be reduced, stopping, and I have to find
more things that they like to do, which I understand.
Windy: Yeah, and that is something of a loss for you as well,
and you seem to feel sad about that, but, as I say, there
are other presumably online communities that you can
join and play that, which might be a good Christmas
present for yourself.
Joy: And, to be honest, I’ve never thought of that.