248
14
Choosing to Go on a Waiting List
for an ADHD Assessment
with God’s Help
Date: 22/05/23
Time: 27 minutes 36 secs
Windy: So, Andrew, what’s your understanding of the purpose of
our conversation this afternoon?
Andrew: Just to ... [pause] I suppose guide me towards...
overcoming my procrastination, to have a potential
solution to overcoming it.
Windy: And what are you currently procrastinating on?
Andrew: So I’m a recently qualified CBT therapist. I work at the
University of Glasgow as a wellbeing officer. I’ve been
in the role recently. I am procrastinating over, I wonder
if I have a neurodiversity – ADD, ADHD – just my
attention in certain areas and completing tasks is difficult,
and I’m procrastinating over whether I should go and get
a private assessment for ADHD.
Windy: And can you give me a sense of what led you to making
that decision about whether to or not?
Andrew: ... [Long pause] If I’m going down the right lines, what
led me was ... I suppose I have a lot of indecision, I find
it difficult to make decisions, I overthink things a lot, I
seem to take a long time to sometimes process answers
... sometimes, if two or three people are speaking, I’ve
Choosing to Go on a Waiting List for an ADHD Assessment 249
got excellent hearing but I don’t actually pick up on what
people say if I’m distracted. So I’m very curious about it,
and obviously I work in my field as well, so I wonder if
it’s affecting my ability to be effective in my job.
Windy: So what’s the advantages of going for the assessment for
you?
Andrew: I use a lot of self-help because I’m an overthinker. So I
would use it to focus my self-help in terms of I would
focus more on a neurodiverse pathway to help with my
anxieties.
Windy: So, if you had the assessment and it came back, what do
you anticipate the outcome being?
Andrew: I would be surprised if I don’t have some attention deficit.
Windy: So, if it came back that you had, it sounds like you would
add that dimension to the self-help. You would be
looking for materials, not general materials but materials
with an ADHD orientation, if you like.
Andrew: Yeah, and it would give me a clear understanding and a
bit of peace if I do struggle to formulate something or if
I’ve got competing tasks, if I’m getting overanxious.
Windy: When you say peace, what do you mean?
Andrew: When I’m working, if I get an emergency client and I’m
triaging, and I’m doing consultations in the day, I get
very quickly anxious, and I have a mini meltdown.
Nothing too verbal, but I would have that. I use a lot of
compassion work personally, so I could maybe use a lot
of compassionate self-talk just to remind myself.
Windy: And what would that sound like?
Andrew: ... [Pause] I would say, ‘It’s understandable that you feel
this way right now. Let’s try and ground, let’s try and
bring ourselves into this current moment. And then let’s
got excellent hearing but I don’t actually pick up on what
people say if I’m distracted. So I’m very curious about it,
and obviously I work in my field as well, so I wonder if
it’s affecting my ability to be effective in my job.
Windy: So what’s the advantages of going for the assessment for
you?
Andrew: I use a lot of self-help because I’m an overthinker. So I
would use it to focus my self-help in terms of I would
focus more on a neurodiverse pathway to help with my
anxieties.
Windy: So, if you had the assessment and it came back, what do
you anticipate the outcome being?
Andrew: I would be surprised if I don’t have some attention deficit.
Windy: So, if it came back that you had, it sounds like you would
add that dimension to the self-help. You would be
looking for materials, not general materials but materials
with an ADHD orientation, if you like.
Andrew: Yeah, and it would give me a clear understanding and a
bit of peace if I do struggle to formulate something or if
I’ve got competing tasks, if I’m getting overanxious.
Windy: When you say peace, what do you mean?
Andrew: When I’m working, if I get an emergency client and I’m
triaging, and I’m doing consultations in the day, I get
very quickly anxious, and I have a mini meltdown.
Nothing too verbal, but I would have that. I use a lot of
compassion work personally, so I could maybe use a lot
of compassionate self-talk just to remind myself.
Windy: And what would that sound like?
Andrew: ... [Pause] I would say, ‘It’s understandable that you feel
this way right now. Let’s try and ground, let’s try and
bring ourselves into this current moment. And then let’s
250 Single-Session Therapy and Procrastination
try and address these issues one at a time and understand
that you can cope.’
Windy: And, if you didn’t have the ADHD diagnosis present or
if you went and the result came back that said, ‘Actually,
you don’t have ADHD,’ what would happen to the
compassion there?
Andrew: ... [Pause] If I didn’t get something along the lines, I
have this core belief of failure and being stupid, so I
would probably be a bit self-critical.
Windy: So it sounds like with the ADHD assessment confirmed,
you would actually make use of compassion, you
wouldn’t regard yourself as a failure because your
responses were coloured by that ADHD. Without the
ADHD it sounds like your core belief of, ‘I’m a failure,’
would actually come up.
Andrew: Yeah.
Windy: So that, for me, would be a strong reason to go for an
assessment, and I’m wondering what’s the bit of you
that’s actually reluctant to go for the assessment?
Andrew: I am fearful in case I’m not; I don’t meet the criteria for
a diagnosis.
Windy: So you’d rather not know than know that you’re not?
Andrew: ... [Pause] At the moment that’s my overriding fear,
yeah. It’s quite scary to get the diagnosis and not be,
yeah.
Windy: So, if we gave you a guarantee and said, ‘Look, Andrew,
actually go for the diagnosis. It’s definite you’ll be
ADHD,’ what difference would that make to you?
Andrew: I could relax and just do it.
Windy: You wouldn’t be procrastinating on it?
try and address these issues one at a time and understand
that you can cope.’
Windy: And, if you didn’t have the ADHD diagnosis present or
if you went and the result came back that said, ‘Actually,
you don’t have ADHD,’ what would happen to the
compassion there?
Andrew: ... [Pause] If I didn’t get something along the lines, I
have this core belief of failure and being stupid, so I
would probably be a bit self-critical.
Windy: So it sounds like with the ADHD assessment confirmed,
you would actually make use of compassion, you
wouldn’t regard yourself as a failure because your
responses were coloured by that ADHD. Without the
ADHD it sounds like your core belief of, ‘I’m a failure,’
would actually come up.
Andrew: Yeah.
Windy: So that, for me, would be a strong reason to go for an
assessment, and I’m wondering what’s the bit of you
that’s actually reluctant to go for the assessment?
Andrew: I am fearful in case I’m not; I don’t meet the criteria for
a diagnosis.
Windy: So you’d rather not know than know that you’re not?
Andrew: ... [Pause] At the moment that’s my overriding fear,
yeah. It’s quite scary to get the diagnosis and not be,
yeah.
Windy: So, if we gave you a guarantee and said, ‘Look, Andrew,
actually go for the diagnosis. It’s definite you’ll be
ADHD,’ what difference would that make to you?
Andrew: I could relax and just do it.
Windy: You wouldn’t be procrastinating on it?
Choosing to Go on a Waiting List for an ADHD Assessment 251
Andrew: No. I’d go straight for it.
Windy: So that’s the condition that would lead you to deal with
it: ‘If I know for sure that I’ve got ADHD, then I’ll relax
and I’ll go for it. But, if I go for it and I’m not ADHD,
then I’m at the prey of my core belief that I’m a failure.’
Andrew: Yeah.
Windy: How have you dealt with that core belief before,
Andrew?
Andrew: Until recently quite badly.
Windy: Until recently?
Andrew: Well, I’ve started practising compassion in the last few
months.... I hadn’t even really been aware of it until
probably about December of this year. In the past, I’ve
just been very self-critical and hard on myself and just
been very anxious just to achieve the things that I’ve
needed to achieve, and that’s become quite exhausting.
Windy: What does the self-compassion sound like without the
protection of the ADHD wrapped around you?
Andrew: It’s developing. I’m developing a kind of approach.
Windy: What does that sound like?
Andrew: ... [Long pause] I suppose it sounds pretty much the same
as if I had the diagnosis. I would be still able to be kind,
to try and imagine a kinder version of me saying ... [long
pause] – it’s a little bit tricky. I would be trying to ... I
suppose, soothe the inner critic, because I can almost feel
it now shouting at me, almost saying, ‘If you don’t get
that then you are a failure.’ So it would be stronger. I’d
feel I’d have to do more work.
Windy: A failure as what, Andrew?
Andrew: No. I’d go straight for it.
Windy: So that’s the condition that would lead you to deal with
it: ‘If I know for sure that I’ve got ADHD, then I’ll relax
and I’ll go for it. But, if I go for it and I’m not ADHD,
then I’m at the prey of my core belief that I’m a failure.’
Andrew: Yeah.
Windy: How have you dealt with that core belief before,
Andrew?
Andrew: Until recently quite badly.
Windy: Until recently?
Andrew: Well, I’ve started practising compassion in the last few
months.... I hadn’t even really been aware of it until
probably about December of this year. In the past, I’ve
just been very self-critical and hard on myself and just
been very anxious just to achieve the things that I’ve
needed to achieve, and that’s become quite exhausting.
Windy: What does the self-compassion sound like without the
protection of the ADHD wrapped around you?
Andrew: It’s developing. I’m developing a kind of approach.
Windy: What does that sound like?
Andrew: ... [Long pause] I suppose it sounds pretty much the same
as if I had the diagnosis. I would be still able to be kind,
to try and imagine a kinder version of me saying ... [long
pause] – it’s a little bit tricky. I would be trying to ... I
suppose, soothe the inner critic, because I can almost feel
it now shouting at me, almost saying, ‘If you don’t get
that then you are a failure.’ So it would be stronger. I’d
feel I’d have to do more work.
Windy: A failure as what, Andrew?